I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
