eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
not ubering you a puppy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
