Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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