I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
