So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
