Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
