my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
