He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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