"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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