I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
