you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
