HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
