If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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