Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
