Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize