You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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