It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
