People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
