You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
