ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
