as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
