Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your penis caused this!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
