People in love make me want to vomit
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize