After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
