First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
