Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
