somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
