just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
