i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
