u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
