Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
