Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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