It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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