I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
