The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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