Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
