i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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