i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
