I puked a lego.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
