thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
