tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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