Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
