Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
