Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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