Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Pants are for mortals
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
