btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
