I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
