We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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