Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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