don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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