I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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