She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
