My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We smell like vodka and hangover
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
