i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
