I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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