we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
