It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
