How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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