So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
