I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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