chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize