I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
