careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
