there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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