i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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