Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
