i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
