i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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