is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
