did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no, he came in my armpit
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
