THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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